I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
