I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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