I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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