My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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