ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
