No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
