Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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