I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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