Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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