i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
