somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
whose parrot is this?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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