this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think i have two assholes
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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