he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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