Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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