there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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