i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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