she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
