I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
