so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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