Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
