I want to make a zoo with you.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
