Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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