then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
