Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
