saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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