Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
