I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
