are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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