I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
