How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
