Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
