It's Friday. Sex?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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