she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Crop dusting thru forever 21
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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