just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
