i wish my penis had a tongue
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
