tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
