Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
