Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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