I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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