I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
