I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
