You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
