She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
