Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
