This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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