I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
