Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
