I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
