If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
