So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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