So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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