Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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