Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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